Spring Housecleaning

My boss is on vacation in Mexico. When she comes back, I hope she cans the coworker (who is still AWOL). Wayne finds her dense and lazy. Right now, there's a competition between her and the Swede for "Most Dense Person Ever". Speaking of the Swede, I should text him back. I don't want to, but I hate leaving people hanging. "Just like a Band-aid," Andrea says, "just like a Band-aid." "Hi, we don't have much in common, please stop texting me." Translation: Hi, I think you're a stupid chotch and I hate your accent. But I have to admit, except for the white sneakers, you are extremely well-dressed and no doubt a nice person.

Katherine, lesbian-vieux, not to be confused with Catherine, lesbian-nouveau, "doesn't want to lose touch." It's hard to cut her out, but I can't pretend we're still pals. We began losing touch years ago. And her emails! "I'm sorry, I suck. I am the worst friend. You must hate me." Quit that pathetic self-pitying bullshit - if you think you suck, then stop, but I don't need to hear excuses.

Well, she doesn't technically suck, she technically eats carpet.